2016 in Quotes: Potluck Nuttery

Today we end our annual review of the outrageous and offensive things we heard from the right over the past year. As usual, we end with a mix of potluck nuttery from the right. You can check out previous posts from the Year in Quotes here.

“There are such things as sex demons. And the danger in masturbating is that one could inadvertently summon a sex demon to attach itself to you through the act of masturbating. And once that demon attaches, it is difficult to get it to leave. It will drive you to masturbate, even when you don’t want to. You’ll be hit with urges to play with yourself so powerful that only an orgasm will allow you some temporary relief.”

– Christian author Mack Major, who also warns women that “masturbation is a direct path to Satan” and that “dildos and all of those other sex toys have been used for thousands of years in demonic sex rituals”

“Who better to represent the will of Texas than Texans? Should we be represented by people with a whole different value system, 2,000 miles away from Texas?

– Delegate Jim Baxa at the Texas Republican Party convention, supporting a proposal that the party platform include a call for Texas to secede from the Union. A majority of delegates voted it down after divisive debate.

“It’s like Fox News. I report, you decide if it’s true or not.”

– Sid Miller, the Republican agriculture commissioner in Texas, defending his promotion of fake “news,” including wackadoodle conspiracy theories, on social media. “I’m not a news source,” Miller also told Austin radio station KUT. “I think everyone needs to realize that Facebook is not always a reliable source if you’re wanting the factual news.” Good advice.

“If I don’t suck some big ole titties soon… I … am … going … to … fucking … die.”

One of the milder, cringeworthy tweets and other comments from Robert Morrow, who won election as Travis County (Austin) Republican Party chair in March. Morrow had to step down from the post during the summer after his announcement that he would run for U.S. president as a write-in candidate. Morrow also claimed that the first President Bush was a pedophile, that Lyndon Johnson had President Kennedy murdered, that Hillary Clinton is a lesbian (but who had affairs with Vince Foster and Webb Hubbell) and murderer, and that Rick Perry is bisexual.

“Obama has a soft spot for homosexuals because of the years he spent as a male prostitute in his twenties. That is how he paid for his drugs. He has admitted he was addicted to drugs when he was young, and he is sympathetic with homosexuals; but he hasn’t come out of the closet about his own homosexual/bisexual background.”

– Mary Lou Bruner, a Republican candidate for the Texas State Board of Education, in one of her many outrageous social media posts discovered by the Texas Freedom Network. She finished first in her primary by a substantial margin but lost the GOP runoff.

“Instead of the focus of education being on reading, arithmetic, history, and acquiring actual knowledge, the goals of a Common Core education focuses on values clarification and indoctrination into a liberal mindset that includes the sexualization of students through sex education and the normalization of inappropriate sexual literature. Some of the goals of the group behind the Common Core liberal agenda include: the creation of racism offenses, teaching homosexuality is normal behavior to children, acceptance of a liberal immigration policy designed to destroy identity, and the encouragement of the breakdown of the family. In the further quest to humanize the curriculum used in our schools, Common Core standards label the Bible as ‘off limits’ in the classroom and schools are forced focus on a toxic worldview devoid of a supreme loving God.”

– Texas state Sen. Bob Hall, R-Edgewood, in one of his bizarre, nonsensical rants

“The academic community is phobic over this thing and Obama, of course, was a law professor at the University of Illinois, Chicago. And so that academic community, they hate America with a virility that is hard for the rest of us to understand.”

– Phony historian David Barton, explaining why he thinks scholars have panned his error-plagued, right-wing screeds